NARRATIVECARLEIGH,TAKE THE WHEEL

There’s a part of my thoughts I call Narrative Carleigh. I came up with her years ago as a way to keep myself sane when it was clear that the internet was going to make the flow of news (bad news, incomplete/ redacted/ censored news, fake news, whatever) constant and inescapable. So when a particularly sensational news story comes down the scroll and I jump to a bunch of seemingly rational but unsubstantiated conclusions, that’s Narrative Carleigh’s purview. She doesn’t know FOR SURE what the hell is going on, but she has thoughts. Usually the worst case scenario, and sometimes accurate. Sometimes completely, embarrassingly wrong.

I didn’t create Narrative Carleigh to go chasing after conspiracy theories— oh, no no! Who has time for theories in this, the stupidest timeline? But after watching dozens of people I respect (myself included) spout off about various news stories with the conviction of a cult leader, only to be proven wrong days (or hours) later I came to three conclusions:

It’s too exhausting to be spouting off all the time about imaginary bullshit.

I have never been more acutely and painfully aware of how much I don’t know about the world.

If I happen to do some of that spouting online, I’m adding to everyone’s confusion.

Sometimes we just have to talk things out, especially if these ideas are swirling around and causing anxiety. When that happens, Actual Carleigh lets Narrative Carleigh take the floor but always makes it clear (to others and to myself) that the conversation is entering The Unknown. In The Unknown, the results of a single, unscientific study (that has been interpreted by a news outlet desperate for clicks but seems to be accurate) becomes reality. A politician’s sideways glance becomes an entire manifesto. It’s the realm of truthiness, a Colbert-ism that I find so helpful for parsing information I’ve taught it to my creative writing students for years. A statement or scenario that sounds and feels so plausible people prefer to believe it without taking any contradictory evidence into consideration.

I’m a big fan of trusting my gut, but I’ve also learned that being very perceptive (as in noticing people’s body language, tone of voice, idiosyncratic habits) doesn’t also grant me superior interpretation skills. And considering the myriad ways words and images can be manipulated on the internet, it’s absurd to assume I understand the entire context of everything I consume.

Unfortunately, endless speculation and misinterpretation is kind of the fuel of the internet, alongside outrage. It’s become a social adhesive, to the point where suggesting that whatever’s being speculated on might be fake (or exaggerated) news is more likely to put a person into the “you must be fun at parties” category. A buzzkill—or if the conversation is political in nature, an apologist or dirty centrist (a word that has been discoursed away from its original meaning). A reminder that I’m talking about the nuts and bolts of sensational stories or rumors. As in, tabloid-style news, and the weird contemporary blending that has made tabloid news sound real. My somewhat neurotic obsession with trying to figure out what’s accurate and what’s clickbait has not made me popular, it doesn’t get me clicks, and I’m pretty sure it’s convinced some people that I’m a big fan of things they hate. Also, sometimes I spend days or weeks researching only to discover I was down the wrong rabbit hole, or just wrong in general.

Aren’t writers supposed to have all the right answers? Sounds like bullshit to me but I still notice the popularity of those who claim to. In a world of unknowns, folks are going to gravitate to people who promise the truth. I think that’s a bad idea.

Narrative Carleigh doesn’t care about clicks, she’s more of an IRL conversation lady because facetime is healing and helps avoid misunderstandings. She’s curious, intuitive and sometimes (usually) a little petty. She’s gonna speculate all day and night about shit she just read on the scroll. Actual Carleigh is going to triage the non-stop horrors and decide how to hang on to enough energy for activism and resistance. This system isn’t perfect, but it helps.